#7 So finally….

Everyday Sophie, my physio gives me 2 words to remember each day and I have to repeat them the following day. I now also give her words as well and we are both trying to out do each other. For instance, today, I was given “tourne-broche” (used to turn meat in a bbq) and “escalier.” In return she has to remember “waste paper bin” and “curtains.” Silly game but fun and it brightens up the morning. But I am concerned about my memory which used to be almost perfect before l had lumps taken out of my head.

#6 So happy. ..day out with Family

Children are amazing. It’s almost as if nothing is allowed to get deep under their skin and if it does, it certainly does not stay there long. Orlando was a total delight today and Héloïse was just her amazing self. I wish I had taken a photo of them

We ate at a Japanese restaurant recently opened up in Sceaux and we were greatly surprised by its quality. Sitting in row meant I spent most of my time talking to Orlando who surprised me on choosing a plateau of assorted sushi and went on to eat it all and even giving some to myself and Héloïse. I didn’t spend much time talking to Anne but the children were always going to be the centre of attention.

Héloïse was in her own world and chatting away with Anne. After lunch, Orlando and I drove to the centre where we spent a very happy time playing chess and a “Get of Jail” game. Although I eventually won at chess, Orlando was very good and we laughed and had a lot of fun.

A happy afternoon

Orlando played with my wheelchair and I even tried for 20 min to take a mini siesta while he played Agar.io, an iPhone game.

Finally after returning Orlando to Anne, I sent a message to Héloïse telling her how much I appreciated the time at lunch with her. She wrote back saying she was really busy with maths but sent me gros and big bisous *4. Awesome!!!!

What a great afternoon

#5 So ashamed….Who am I now?

8 weeks in a coma with no recollection of all the suffering around me in my hospital bedroom, so close to joining the other side permanently, I have awoken in every sense of the word.

I realize with absolute SHAME all the heartache I have caused my ex-wife, my children and my mother, brothers and my sister.

I am so ashamed.

There are times I want to give up, many times in fact, and pretty much every day. But the thought, desire, wish comes and eventually goes away as I realize that the best way to repay my enormous debt to my loved ones is to face up to what is the past and ensure that every moment of my new existence (post coma) is focused on being “really there” for everyone around me. I cannot change the past but I can endeavour to understand listen and hear each persons’ pain, and ensure all of my current and future experiences with each person are centered on enriching the lives of all those I have hurt especially in the last 10 years,my addiction years.

I am so sad that I have caused so much hurt

And I am so very sorry

#3 So phie…Friday afternoon in the gym

Sophie, the head physio at the centre, is such a character, she woke me up from a deep sleep after lunch and told me it was time to go the gym. Feeling completely out of it I managed to complete the work exercises using the parallel bars and steps. Then Sophie took me to one side and began to massage my left hand. Now there is massaging and there is Sophie’s massage. Moving my arm abruptly up, down, left and right, I was introduced to a new pain threshold. I tolerated it for an enormous 3 minutes but then I couldn’t bear it any more. As Sophie commented that my arm was moving more freely, I let out a very loud F&@K that was heard all over the gym. Sophie was crying out with laughter while I was crying tears of excruciating pain!

#2 So…My First Blog Post

Taken from Jeff Foster

So much of our lives are spent running – from pain, from vulnerability and from everyday struggle. Shed your resistance and step into the limitless ocean of the present moment.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken

– Oscar Wilde

I used to have this idea that there was something wrong with me for not being able to accept the waves and make them go away, like I wasn’t strong enough. But it’s not about me being strong enough to accept the waves. The waves of present experience are already accepted in what l am. I don’t need to accept them. I just notice right now that they are already allowed in. I don’t have to be strong enough to accept them. I’m simply too weak to prevent them from coming in anymore.

– an unknown Dutchman

#1 Welcome to the new Mike

It’s a turning point in my life. I find myself at the crossroads with a real opportunity to change direction. I can be and really want to be a better person and everyday I thank him ( still not sure I believe in god but I believe someone is looking out for me). I have been given a second chance and I am going to take it big time.

For the last 10 years, off and on, l have led an alternate life, separate from my wife, Anne. And my children, Héloïse and Orlando. A life characterized by alcohol, substances including drugs and everything that one does when high. I was an a€@$£t. But no longer.

How I am ashamed of what I have done and more importantly the pain I have caused to my loved ones.

As a result of this continued abuse, I needed to have surgery on my nose and it was during my third operation that a mistake was made by the surgeons who took more of my head than was needed. It plunged me into a coma which lasted for 8 weeks.

When I came back from my near death experience, I realised I had changed. I wanted to repay all the pain I have caused starting with my wife, kids, parents, brothers and sister.

And this is what I am trying to do…..