It’s cloudy. It has been raining but it’s not cold. But with this change in the weather comes cloudiness in my head. Or is it in my heart? There are definitely clouds in my soul. Permeates right through the whole of my body to the point that I don’t know which way to turn, want to feel, what to think anymore.
I think I have had this feeling before and I’m trying very hard to rack my brain but nothing is appearing other than a familiarity with the feeling. I have this inclination that something is about to happen. But not knowing what it is infuriates me as I am looking for clarity and purpose, rather than cloudiness And confusion.
Since I have been down in the south of France, I have not been swimming but have walked quite a bit and exercised my leg and my arm, as well as my head pretty much every day. So it could just be plain old tiredness. My body is telling me to rest and I am listening to it. However, I think it is more than that. Sure, it contributes, but I don’t believe that it is the real reason.
I’m sitting here on the bench, surrounded by menacing grey skies, and in the few cars going up and down road, while I wait for my appointment with Rikke, the most famous, and most brilliant acupuncturist this side of Norway. I’m really looking forward to it. As I know how much I appreciate it and benefit from it. It is funny that just thinking about that session has immediately lifted my spirits. This despondent feeling has evaporated from me and I feel altogether lighter and brighter.
But this does not takeaway from this curiously bizarre feeling inside of me, but I can’t pinpoint it. I can’t work it out.
Fast forward two hours, and after my session with Rikke, the acupuncturist, I feel like a different man. It’s as if the dank, dark. damp clouds have been turned into a ray of sunshine with a silver lining. Furthermore, I have just listened to a meditation about change and climbing my own mountain. In order to progress, we need to let go of the turmoil and plunge ourselves into the new reality. Stepping stones allow me to navigate each eventuality as it arrives by only looking at the next step, path, wood, ridge, on my way to the top. I am getting there, wherever there is. Of course it will take time. But I believe! And this is my beautiful journey so I am enjoying it as I am living it.
So... 