#361 So…Far

A fear of being disliked and a fear of being straight with the truth or a fear of being honest. How do I see fear right now? I don’t subscribe to these points of view but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be wary of falling into their clutches. We are all fallible but I am in a new place right now and being disliked, not being honest or straight with the truth never crosses my mind. I am happy and full of self compassion for my lot. I am what I am. It is what it is.

My vision of Fear

Fair enough, it has just taken 3 1/2 years but that’s the point. Time is a great healer. I thought I would never say that or rather I didn’t think I would hear myself saying that.

I listened to a podcast earlier about how the smallest of change made to our choices can have a monumental impact further downstream. This can be visualised by thinking about an Atlantic crossing shipping tanker. If it changes its course by a mere fraction of a degree, it is likely to miss arriving in New York and find itself in Caracas, Venezuela. That is very pertinent to me as I want to get started on my project but am finding every excuse in the book to not do it. It’s so easy to take the simple road and not bother. And just at that time, I hear a band of sailors singing the Marseillaise, probably one of my favourite national anthems and a very dear friend, Pierre, calls me just to say “Courage and carry on.” I am so moved and humbled by these events as I firmly believe that they are signs from the Universe. Impeccable timing and so absolutely inspirational.

I certainly don’t want to give up even though I sometimes feel that life is against me. In fact, I have a thought that is tantamount to desperation every day and more than just once every day. But they never last and I come bouncing back like a boomerang or Tigger in the Winnie the Pooh stories by A.A. Milne that were an integral part of my childhood. This inbuilt natural courage to face up to whatever my wonderful and dear mind has to throw at me is incredibly tiring and at times, soul destroying. But the soul is never destroyed. In fact it always comes back stronger than ever.

I read somewhere “Explore the home of the present moment, (it is ) spare, clear and utterly simple.” We all have different needs at different times. Especially as we face the ebbs and flows of life and all that it embodies. Does life throw elements at us? Or do we experience what it has to offer? The latter comes from a place of abundance, the former from a place of scarcity. I am continuing to try to be gentle and kind with myself and others.

I feel that I am returning from another space. Literally. Not coming back from somewhere but evolving into my space. Entering my enlarged space with joy and anxiety. Joy because of my courage and belief about this incredible journey I find myself on. But also anxiety because I am continually in the unknown. I keep repeating the mantra “Give everyone time and space to climatise. Be gentle and kind to self and others.” It helps cross the bridge, the chasm.

Another mantra is “You are not alone. Embrace fear and be compassionate and be grateful and full of understanding.” Believe.

Finally , I think I have said this more than once before. “Perfection does not exist. Good enough is good enough. Doing something badly is better than not doing anything at all. Jump in.”

So I choose to be an example for others to derive strength and motivation and compassion from my ongoing story. It never ends. It never ceases to amaze me. New chapters get conceived and previous ones represent the story so far. Everything happens when it is meant to happen. Everyone is always where they need to be. What goes around comes around. Keep your circle positive. Speak good words, think good thoughts. Do good deeds. A the boomerang of goodwill and goodness come bouncing back. Tigger!!

Tigger

I am off to jump in! I am motivated. Onwards and upwards together!!

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